Morality and the Current Age.

Morality is a funny thing.  By the dictionary it is defined as conduct in accordance with standards of right or wrong.  For instance, if I act in accordance with the standards of right, I am a moral person.  If not, then I'm immoral.  The setting of those standards is where things get a bit fuzzy.

Let me explain.  I live in Jackson, Mississippi.  According to the law, one should not enter an intersection while driving when the traffic light turns yellow, however, if you are already in the intersection you should continue so as to clear the intersection.  In Jackson, the practice is to enter the intersection until the light actually turns red.  So, for those who live in Jackson, the standard (the law) and the accepted practice are at odds . . . so, which is the moral action?  Let me give you another example.  At one time not too long ago it was considered immoral for a man and woman to live together outside the bonds of marriage.  That standard of morality was established by the Bible and accepted by most.  Now, it is considered normal practice to live together before marriage, or even in place of marriage.  This is even common among those who call themselves Christian.  So, does the morality of the Bible become secondary to normal practice?  Which is the moral action?

And these are only two examples of a confusion of moral standards which is affecting all of us.  In fact, it is so bad that in most cases Christianity, and those who claim to be Christian, behave as if the Bible is secondary to the popular and accepted morality.

This is not new.  Paul confronted the same confusion in morality in the New Testament when the accepted morality even included prostitution as an act of worship (a step in our future??).  Christians have always been confronted with the dual standards of God's Word and what is the accepted practice.  We are challenged to be lights in the darkness, i.e. examples of righteousness amidst moral decay.  To do that we have to quit excusing our behavior as something that "everyone else is doing."  Instead we need to open our eyes to where we have slipped or are slipping and come back to the solid ground of God's Word.  The future of our country and the world depends on us finding the firm foundation of God's truth and living in it.

An Organized Appproach

My wife and I have recently started attending a new church.  This church, like many others, has an introductory series of "starting points" for new attenders to find out more about the church and plug in to fellowship and service.  These starting points are arranged in four consecutive 40 minute sessions, one per week, which repeat each month.  At this church they hold these sessions after a lunch provided by the church each Sunday, following the morning worship service.  New attenders are can start in any week as they are not dependent on each other.  Not only are new attenders encouraged to stay and each lunch but others from the church's leadership also stay so they can build relationships.  When speaking with the Pastor he has shared that since they have started this process the church has shown steady growth.  Of course the growth could be related to other factors but I think the thing that is relevant is the purposeful opportunity provided for inclusion.

One of the big fears in visiting a church is the possibility of being ignored, or even rejected.  This organized approach to inclusion goes far beyond the casual handshake during a greeting time and allows individuals to connect with real people and build relationships.  It also has the benefit of letting people know what the church is about, and how they can plug-in for greater involvement, fellowship and service opportunities.  No wonder the church is growing.

This organized approach shouldn't be limited to just the church.  At work, employees are often hired with little purposeful connection with the vision of the institution or given avenues for building relationships crucial for engagement and longevity.  Customers are also given short-shift, although I see an uptick of attempts to build relationships through social media from some vendors.

Look at the desired end result and then work backwards to formulate a purposeful series of steps to reach that goal.  This is strategic thinking which leads to a PLAN.  Everybody loves it when a plan comes together.  If you think you will get different/better results without changing, anything you are planning for disappointment.

I Need Managers

Everything rises and falls on Leadership.  This is true for organizations, institutions, governments, families and individuals.  Leadership is the ability to take responsibility for the current NOW and chart a path to a different future.  As such leadership embraces change, for there is no other way to get to that different future without changing the current NOW.  The only difference between a government, a corporation, an institution, or an individual is scale, which involves complexity.  Everyone has the ability to step up as a leader for their personal life, although it seems that not all do.  Relatively few will find themselves in the role of Leader within their company or at the governmental level.

What is really needed more often than not, however, is someone who can follow the charted path into the different future.  What is needed are Managers.

Leaders without Managers often wind up as unemployed dreamers whereas competent Managers are always in demand.  Even in your personal life there is often the need to bring in a manager who can assist you in moving to the new future you have envisioned.  This might be a personal trainer, a college program, a nutritionist, a spiritual mentor, etc.

In fact, from my experience the lack of leadership in our country often boils down to the leader's inability to bring along side him/herself competent managers. It is the Manager who make sure the work goes smoothly.  It is the Manager who troubleshoots the processes and implements improvements.  It is the Manager who focuses the team on the problem at hand.

Everyone wants to be the Leader, but beyond leading themselves, few will actually do so.  That's OK because for every Leader, multiple-managers are needed.  What is needed are Managers who will embrace the significance of their role.  Individuals who will rise above the disputes about leaders vs managers and simply roll up their sleeves and step into the gap, these are what we really need.

Also see my earlier post on this subject.

The Halo Effect

We are the sum of our experiences, choices, education, genetics, and circumstances.  Possibly you think you should be gauged by your potential, by the things you know you could accomplish if you only had access to the right people, money, resources.  Dream on.

Actually you are gauged by your past accomplishments, they are the halo which surrounds you and which is perceived by others.  Not only that but it is your most recent accomplishments which shine the brightest in this halo.

There are some important implications from this:

• Regardless of what you might be capable of, you will find yourself defined by what you are doing or have done.  Branching out into new areas or being given the opportunity to do so decreases as the brightness of your halo grows.  
• On the positive side, the halo can shine so bright that some of the mistakes you have made might be overlooked, especially if you have been effective in achieving successful outcomes which benefit the company our your employer.  This is the normal path to promotion.
• On the negative side, the halo can take on a tint of failure if poor choices accumulate to the point that the company is negatively affected, particularly if those poor choices are repeated.  Sadly, your halo defining you remains but now proclaims you are incompetent.  This is the path to obscurity or unemployment.

The moral of this story:  Stop periodically and evaluate what your halo is saying about you and if you don't like where you are headed create an escape strategy to move to a different future.  

• Apply for a completely different type of job, 
• go back and get a different degree, 
• figure out why you are making poor choices and get some help in making better ones, 
• etc.

You don't have to accept your current halo, but don't be naive and assume there isn't one there and that others can see it. 

Step by Step

I reviewed the material from Strengths Finder 2.0 last night with a class in Chattanooga, TN.  Specifically we looked at the results of the profile from the web evaluation tool that goes along with it and some action plans which those present might use to capitalize on their strength areas.  In a conversation I had this morning with a colleague I was reminded of how much of what we call success really boils down to specific individuals who have done just that: capitalized on their strengths to achieve remarkable results.

It is truly amazing to think about any human accomplishment throughout history without also recognizing the individual's personality, drive, and ability which led to that achievement.  Yes, there is almost always a team which made it possible to achieve the final result, but equally so there is that one individual who was able to draw the team together in such a way that something was accomplished which others did not, could not, nor possibly even imagine.

Individual strengths multiply talent to great effect.  There is no doubt that talent contributes to the potential of success, however, when talent is combined with an awareness of personal strengths and both applied to the task, that is where the magic begins.

There is also something quite fulfilling to realize that as adults we have developed strengths, even if we are not always aware of what those might be. That's where the Strengths Finder 2.0 evaluation tool comes in helps uncover the top 5 strengths, and even lists ways to take that strength to a new level.

Those who will get the most out of this will be the ones who take the information and really begin to focus on using those strengths to combine with talent, in areas about which they are passionate.  Passion is the fire which melds strength and talent into achievement.

I hope this has made you think about your own life and what amazing thing God has prepared for you if you were only willing to reach out to grasp it.

Public Speaking 101

You've been asked to make a presentation before a group.  If this is you first time, or if you haven't made many presentations you automatically feel the grip of fear that almost everyone feels.  Depending on the subject, or the audience, you may have that same grip, regardless of your experience.

Fear of public speaking is one of the most universal fears that we have.  There are a few things you can do to make your presentation a success, regardless of your experience.

1.  Almost everyone feels nervous just before starting - this is normal, you won't die and the nervous feeling usually fades within 60 seconds of starting.  Don't let the butterflies get the better of you.

2.  Take some deep breaths just before starting your presentation, this oxygenates your blood and helps your brain, which hopefully will help you get focused and get through those first 60 seconds.

3.  Know your material.  This can't be emphasized enough.  Winging it will almost always allow for distractions and usually it is obvious to your audience that you aren't prepared.  You can only blow smoke for so long before it becomes apparent that you don't know what you are talking about.  Know your material THOROUGHLY.  Go over it repeatedly until you can deliver the information from a knowledge base, then if you get distracted it will be easier to get back on track.

4.  Rotate your eye contact every 2-7 seconds and look people directly in the eyes.  You will find this is a powerful method to build audience engagement.  It also lowers your own anxiety as you will be directing your comments at one person instead of thinking about the larger audience.  Pay special attention to your supervisor if there is one present.  Don't forget the back of the room or the wings.

5.  If you are using technology have a plan B in mind if it were to fail.  I have seen this happen all too often and when it does it often throws the speaker completely off track.  Think about it ahead of time and be able to move forward in spite of these difficulties.  This builds your credibility and enhances your image in the eyes of your supervisors, which is a nice benefit of something that could be a disaster.

6.  "Leave them longing rather than loathing."  This was often quoted to me by a former parishioner and she was right.  Keep track of your time and make sure you stay within the allotted time frame for your presentation.  Going over your time is one of the most frustrating things you can do both for audiences and event organizers.  You may feel like your content is worth it, but likely there are many others who won't agree.  Leave them longing rather than loathing.

7.  Be organized.  Make sure your material is presented in a sequence which is easy for an audience to grasp.  This is why so many people use points, e.g. point 1, point 2, etc.  People like to see patterns and understand sequence at an emotional level.  Your organization can contribute to their understanding your material or being so confused that they go away empty.

8.  If you are presenting a lot of material, especially to a large group, consider using a teleprompter application for your tablet (e.g. PrompSmart for iPad).  I've done this and find it can be extremely useful, especially if it has voice recognition and moves the text forward as you speak.

9.  Jokes are good, especially at the start, to ease everyone into the presentation.  However, if the joke is off color or offensive in any way it will overshadow anything else you say and damage your credibility.  Make sure you look at the joke from the receiving end and consider whether it could be offensive.  Better no joke than an offensive joke, this goes double for off-color jokes.

10.  Examples and illustrations spread through out the presentation help communicate with the audience and lets them identify with you or the material.  It helps make sense of large amounts of data.  You can overdo this, refer to point 6 above.

Three Main Ingredients for Success - Re-Post

This article by Karl McDonnell, chief officer at Strayer, reinforces the Principles of Life which I have shared in previous posts.  Well written and succinct, I think you will enjoy his take on the Three Main Ingredients for Success.

Some think success is all down to luck. The truth is, the three key indicators of success are far more attainable but just as rare: grit, focus, and a healthy self image.   To read the full article click here.

Public speaking, a tip

I had the opportunity to speak at a graduation ceremony for Belhaven University in Houston Texas last night. As I prepared for the presentation I put together my thoughts in a wordprocessing document. I tweaked it and refined my presentation, adding thoughts and inserting facts and stories until I felt it was truly going to be a message that would communicate to the graduating seniors. (Yes I know that no one remembers these speeches but still felt a responsibility to do my best.)

I have presented in many venues in the past, having been a pastor, so speaking in front of an audience was not going to be the major concern, but I did want to be able to use a manuscript and still have a degree of freedom in communicating with the audience. In the past, when I've worked from a manuscript, I have sounded a little wooden; I wanted to avoid that if at all possible. As I woke up one morning I had a serendipitous thought: what about using a Teleprompter app on my iPad to solve the stiffness in presenting from a manuscript?  I quickly researched what was available on the iTunes store and found several possible apps that would work. I read the reviews and settled on PromptSmart. It was a paid app but it allowed me to import my document from a variety of sources and the ability to edit the document within the Teleprompter app itself.  It even had a voice recognition option.

The app installed easily and uploading my manuscript was smooth.  Initially, because I was a little paranoid, I sat the app for the scrolling mode based on how fast a person generally speaks. I tested that several times, tweaking the text and then adjusting the timing to fit my particular style of presentation. Editing the text was easy, as was adjusting the font and font size.  The auto scrolling worked well but I was still concerned because if I didn't pause it when/if I deviated from the manuscript, as I often do, it would continue to scroll no matter what. Then I had a thought,why not try the option within the app that allowed it to recognize my voice and advance the text based off of voice recognition? So I tried it. It worked great!! I tested it several times to make sure everything would go smoothly, making more adjustments to the text as I went over the material, again very easily done.

Now it was time to make the graduation speech to those gathered for the graduation.  I have to say I was a little nervous about relying on this technology, but PromptSmart performed well above my expectations.  Because it was recognizing my speech I was able to deviate from the script and it just waited patiently for me to get back to where I was in the prepared manuscript.  I could pause as long as I wanted to, I could add phrases or thoughts without any problem, and then come right back into the manuscript right where I left off without any problems.

This really is a great tool for anyone who does public speaking; this would work for pastors who preach from manuscripts, this would work for anyone giving a speech in the classroom or anyone who is giving a prepared speech in any arena.  I know there are other app options available, both in iTunes and on Google Play.  I strongly recommend that you consider downloading and giving a teleprompter app a try. I think you'll be impressed. I know I was.

Scotoma Anyone?

Although the actual definition of scotoma has to do with a partial alteration in a field of vision, it can also be used metaphorically, "The common theme of all the figurative senses is of a gap not in visual function but in the mind's perception, cognition, or world view." (Wikipedia)   I first became aware of scotomas through reading Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  (A book, by the way, that I consider a MUST read for anyone interested in personal improvement and professional competency.)  In Covey's book, there is a picture that may be perceived by some as a fashionable young lady, or the face of an old crone.


Since then I've run across the concept in various places and have referenced it in many presentations and sermons.  It is all about perspective.  The most interesting thing about this concept is how difficult it is to realize when you are locked into one way of perceiving a situation.  Take the picture above for instance.  When you first saw the picture you immediately perceived either the young stylish woman or the old crone.  There would have been no thought in your mind that the other possibility even existed.

If find myself pondering this from time to time when faced with challenges at work or in life in general.  I'm especially more likely to ponder whether there is another way of looking at a situation if it has to come to a moment of crisis or a blockage to success.  In those times I try to allow my mind to open to new possibilities, remembering my Mom's old adage "there's more than one way to skin a cat."  Usually with a little effort I can find a new path, often one better than the original, through the challenge.

Harder is when there is no crisis or blockage, for at those times it never even occurs to me to think about other options.  I often wonder how many missed opportunities have come my way simply because I had tunnel vision, or more likely, overconfidence, in how to proceed in a situation.  The lesson for me, and one that I seem especially slow to learn, is to not move too quickly and to consider other perspectives.  A good way to do this is to get other opinions.  I have to confess when I was younger I often avoided getting other opinions because I: a) already knew it all, b) didn't want to listen to anyone else, or c) was afraid that someone would discover a flaw in my plan.  As I grown older and somewhat wiser I've learned to not feel as threatened by other's ideas.  Taking the time to garner this kind of input is also a weakness for me . . . I typically want to move NOW.  But, the benefit is that in getting the input the decision is usually better.

Harder still is when I feel under attack.  In these situations I don't even want to consider that there might be a different perspective.  I want to assert my righteous indignation; to feel the victim of the nefarious doings of obviously ignorant, or even wicked people.  I've been reading through Proverbs lately with my wife and I have a found a couple of verses which cause me to think that even in these cases there might be a scotoma at work.

• "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke" Prov. 3:11
• "Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you." Prov. 9:8

Obviously the one being rebuked is NOT particularly thrilled at the time of the rebuke!  

Perhaps even in the times when I am dealing with the greatest sense of attack there is another way to perceive the situation.  This was certainly true for me over a year ago when I experienced being "downsized" for the first time in my life.  At the time it felt like betrayal and an accusation of poor performance.  But through that experience God helped me to see a new future with a new hope, one that included leaving the old position with positive relationships.  

Keep you eyes open, there is always a different perspective on any situation.

What is the "Cloud" and How It Can Make Your Life Easier

When I first started using personal computers 64 MB was considered a HUGE hard drive.  My how things have changed!  The evolution of computers has seen drastic increases in speed, screen resolution, file sizes, sophistication of programs, and, of course the internet.  With the internet has come something called "cloud" computing.  See the video below for a quick  (1:26 minute) definition of the "cloud."




What this means in practical terms is the ability of storing information,securely, in a way that it is available literally anywhere there is an internet connection.  there was a time about five years ago when I would carry around with me everywhere a flashdrive  with all my important files.  This made me feel secure . . . until I lost the drive and began to worry who found it and what they might be doing with my files.  Now I store everything in the Cloud, although, being paranoid, I periodically back even that up to a hard drive.  

I currently use several different cloud storage services.

Dropbox is my "go to" Cloud service because it is completely transparent.  Once I install the application on my computer it creates a folder in My Documents labeled "Dropbox."  I simply store my files, any files, of any type, in that folder and like magic, it becomes available to me anywhere, on any device.  I can access all my files on my ipad, or my Android phone or another computer, as long as each device has internet access.  What is more, changes made from any device automatically update to the Cloud and are synced to all devices. This was a major problem with the flashdrive which had to be manually synchronized with my computer version and keeping track of versions became complicated.  Check out this short video for more on Dropbox.

Google Drive is my preferred source for files I want to work on collaboratively with others from work or with family in distant places.  It allows me real-time updates to files while others are also making updates and changes.  It is easy to share documents/spreadsheets/presentations with individuals or groups and is a powerful work area.  GoogleDrive can also store other files like pictures, etc.   Here is a video about Google Drive.

Evernote is the place I use more like a portfolio than a storage place.  Although I can store files there I find this is the perfect place for building a repository of documents, almost like a scrapbook, or scrapbooks that are easy to sort through, tag, and share. Evernote is used my an amazing number of people from all walks of life.  I've mentioned in a previous post that I use Evernote through a plug-in on my browser to capture articles from the web, but that is really only the tip of the iceberg of what this program is capable of doing.

While I do use others (check this article out for a list of the Top 10 Best Cloud Storage Providers), and there are many, the point is that the use of these programs makes my life easier.  When I go in to teach a class I have all my files waiting for me on any computer with internet access.  If I stand up to preach, even if I only have my phone, I still have with me dozens of my old sermons with full outlines because of the application which connects my phone to the Cloud.  Want to see a picture, I have hundreds of picture available from the Cloud to my phone, ipad, computer, without tying up any storage on the mobile devices.  Same thing with music.  PowerPoints?  Spreadsheets? Documents?
.PDFs?  I have entire classroom teaching notes for a dozen different classes for the entire term with me at a moment's notice, including handouts.

Don't discount the importance of the sharing aspect of the Cloud.  I can share files or folders with anyone at the click of a mouse.  I can give them edit rights, or simply view rights.

I want to encourage you to check out the article mentioned above and give one of these services a try. If you have a comment about your use of Cloud services, please share it.

Now You've Found the Information, Here's How To Keep It.

I wrote in my last post about the benefit of using an RSS Feed Reader to pull together articles from a variety of sources.  Now that you have set that up, you may have already found some articles that were not only informative but you definitely want to keep.

Of course, you can cut and past the information, most of the time, into a wordprocessor and save it, however, there is an easier way:  Evernote.

Evernote is a free (although there are paid versions I have never hit the limits of what the free version can provide) program which exists in the cloud and crosses multiple platforms.  What that means is that information saved on my computer is available on my phone, my tablet, my home computer, basically anywhere I have internet access.

The great thing about Evernote is that the people there really understand how to maximize the cloud and have created web clippers for all the major web browsers.  Simply search for "Evernote Web Clipper" and you can find the version which works best with your browser.  Once installed it places the head of an elephant in your browser (see picture to the left - this is using Chrome web browser).  When you click that it will open a dialogue box like that to the right.  From there you can tell it to copy the article, the page, a screenshot and allows you determine where to save it inside of Evernote.  I have set up a folder labeled "web articles" to receive these articles and can choose to read them at the time or wait until later.  I can easily share them with others,   And, the great thing is, they are there until you remove them, whether that is next week, or next year, or next decade.

Using Evernote web clipper and your RSS Feed Reader is a winning combination.  It works in the background, takes very little effort, and makes my information readily available when I want it.

Are You Using an RSS Feed Reader? Why Not???

RSS stands for Rich Site Summary, but is also known as Really Simple Syndication.  You don't really need to know that.  What you do need to know is that an RSS Feed Reader can make you better informed and help keep you current in select areas of your choice, with very little effort from you.

The basic way the RSS Feed Reader works is to aggregate, or pull together, into one site, often with a short digest or introduction various new postings to the blogs you have subscribed to.  It then sends the list to your email daily.

For instance I have subscribed, Adult Studies Faculty, Educational Technology and Mobile Learning,  Leadership Intelligence, Tools to Lead, Educause/Learning Analytics, Presentation Zen, Tablet Pedagogy, and others.  Each day I receive an email with the title and an introductory sentence from any new posts to these blogs.  It is rare that there are more than four titles listed.  Here is the key: I don't have to go find them, I don't have to even read them if they don't interest me.  the ones that do interest me, I click on and go right to the post.

There are a LOT of RSS Feed Readers and you can research them on your own.  I use Bloglovin' (www.bloglovin.com) because it is easy to use and isn't too complicated.  This is an area where I don't need complicated, just something reliable and easy to use.

The process works like this:  once you have signed up for your RSS Feed Reader, you can explore the list of Blogs from their long list and add any you like to your subscription list.  If you run across a Blog not listed (such as this one) simply go back to your RSS Feed Reader and add it.  In Bloglovin' I click on the heart at the top of the page, select Edit the Blogs You Follow, click on Add Blog and paste the web address into the dialogue box which pops up.  Bloglovin' does the rest and I start getting updates.  No other maintenance or attention is required.

Give it a try.  Find a few Blogs which appeal to your interest and see if you don't learn something new.

I posted this same information on the Adult Studies Faculty blog.

Using IFTTT to Become More Productive

I met with several professionals last week and during the conversation mentioned IFTTT.  I was shocked to discover that none of those present were aware of it, nor the amazing power it allows.  I've always been on the lookout for shortcuts and ways to automate functions that have to be repeated, e.g. macros in Excel.  IFTTT is the ultimate automation tool, and its FREE.

You can access IFTTT through the internet on your computer (IFTTT.com) or through an application on your smart phone.  Once you have an account set up the fun begins.  IFTTT uses "recipies" to describe its automation based on "If this (the trigger) then that (the target)."

There are an amazing number of recipies already built, such as:

• If I post to twitter with the hashtag #fb, then post that tweet to facebook," or with the hashtag #in to Linkedin.
• If I miss a phone call from a specific number, then send myself an email (or email the person whose phone call was missed).
• If I update my contacts, then make a copy of the contact to a spreadsheet in Google Sheets.
• If I receive an email with an attachment, then save the attachment to dropbox.

It works with a variety of third party programs such as flckr, instagram, facebook, twitter, dropbox, googledocs, and many more.

I would go on but there are literally hundreds of recipies already built and it is easy to create your own for your own specific needs.  I've included a video from youtube below which describes how to use this with your smart phone.  IFTTT also works with some smart home products.

If you are not using this, then you are making more work for yourself than you need to, or missing a wonderful opportunity to be more effective, at the very least.

Give it a try, you won't be disappointed.

Teaching Instructors How to Use a ZigZag Exercise

The focus of this tutorial is how to use a ZIGZAG exercise in the classroom.  I like this particular exercise because it allows a certain amount of controlled chaos into the classroom and yet can bring home some powerful learning.  The example used in teaching the exercise is Conducting a SWOT analysis.  This is my favorite way to do a SWOT analysis.

I discovered the iPad app "bContext" which I used to create the tutorial below.  I know it isn't perfect but I think this is a cool way to teach and keep the tutorial around for use in the future.  You can embed it in sites such as this or send it by email link.  There are different versions of the app, some free, which is what I used to make this tutorial, and some paid, depending on your need.  Let me know your thoughts or if you have found an even better way to do the same thing.

Swot Analysis Using Zigzag Exercise

View more presentations from Rick Upchurch

Book Review: Leadership From the Inside Out, by Kevin Cashman

Leadership from the Inside Out, by Kevin Cashman.

I just finished listening to this leadership book by Kevin Cashman.  I found it in the audio section of my local library and thought it would be an interesting "read."  I was right, this was an interesting "read."  Because it was audio instead of print, I don't have quotes to share, but I can tell you that many times throughout the book I paused to make notes.  I also found myself thinking about what the author was sharing at various times and find that is has influenced my current behavior, which is the best recommendation a book can have.

The focus, as the title suggests, is on leadership from the inside out, i.e. start with yourself.  Obviously not a new concept but the book is full of practical ways to focus on various aspects of your leadership.  I  particularly appreciate the emphasis placed upon getting coaching for executives.  I worked at one institution where one or more of the executives caused so much disruption due to their leadership style that it effectively limited not only their own growth but the entire institution.  I highly recommend executive coaching for everyone in leadership positions, but especially for those who feel they are hitting a glass ceiling in their ability to grow personally or professionally.

Because this book is focused on the EQ of the leader, it will not be embraced by many who are looking for quick fixes or formulas for institutional or corporate growth.  Sad, because that growth comes from the productivity of highly effective people and sooner or later that comes down to their EQ.,

Definitely recommend.

The Challenge of Interpersonal Conflict or What to do with the Butterfly Dance

Probably one of the things which nearly everyone finds challenging if not outright scary is dealing with interpersonal conflict.  This is made worse when dealing with someone whose emotional engagement seems to overwhelm their ability to maintain respectful boundaries.

some examples

• When discussing statistics which indicate a lower performance of a business group, the individual in charge of the business group becomes angry and with raised voice, nearly yelling, starts to verbally attack the presenter, the source of the data and who asked for the report.  The belligerence increased to the point the conversation had to be delayed.
• A supervisor pounds the desk with his fist while practically yelling at a direct report, dictating a course of action whether it was liked or not.
• A colleague attempts to manipulate a decision by becoming loud, claiming the moral high ground, and suggesting that if the colleague doesn't go along with a decision that he would simply go over his colleague's head, intimating that it might affect their boss's opinion.
• A colleague attempts to manipulate a decision by expressing tears and an emotional connection, again claiming the moral high ground and pleading for their colleague to do the right thing even though clearly against policy and best practices.

All of these kind of things and more cause the butterfly dance to take place within my stomach.  My hands get sweaty, my voice seems to go up and become somewhat quavery.  Worst of all I feel threatened and my fight or flight biological response is definitely recommending a course of action (usually the wrong one).

Here are some thing which I have learned and am learning in situations like these and the many others which can cause the butterfly dance.

1.  Don't fight and don't flee - instead take a deep breath and ask yourself what might be going on inside of the other person's brain to act this way?   What could be their motive?  Are they feeling threatened?  Scared?

2.  Take another deep breath - trust me, your brain needs the extra oxygen and you need the extra seconds to process the questions asked above.

3.  Don't answer the immediate question, ask for clarification on any point related to the challenge.  It doesn't even matter what point.  Just ask the question.  This gives your brain more time and more oxygen (if you are remembering to breathe).  If you are fortunate, it can also side-track the challenge back into rational territory.

4.  If the belligerence continues, ask the direct question:  "This seems to be an emotional issue for you, would you like to talk about that?"  or "...do you need some time to calm down?"  or anything which gets the elephant in the room out in the open.

5.  Choose your battles carefully, some things are simply not worth bleeding over and others are worth dying for.  Don't burn a bridge you will likely have to cross in the near future (don't wreck a relationship for the sake of your ego wanting to WIN, i.e. you are giving in to the "fight" reflex).

6.  Don't become defensive.  If there is truth in what is being said, own it, acknowledge it, and learn from it.

Now, don't get the impression that I actually do all of this all of the time, I don't, but I am trying.  I'm pretty sure this falls under emotional intelligence and I definitely have room for improvement.

What do you do when you get the "butterfly dance" in your stomach?

Book Review: You Can't Lead With Your Feet on the Desk

You Can't Lead With Your Feet on the Desk: Building Relationships, Breaking down Barriers and Delivering Profits by Ed Fuller.

I received this book for Christmas.  It had been on my Amazon wishlist for a while and I was excited to get it.  I had heard a couple of good things about the book and the title alone seemed right in the middle of my interest, particularly the "Building Relationships" part.

I started it thinking it was a book about leadership.  It does, kind of, fit the category of Leadership.  The author shares leadership tips drawn from his experience in leading a division of Marriot.  So, is kind of a mentor/leadership book with this is how I/we/Marriot did(does) things and you can learn something from that.

Mostly it shares varies stories about Marriot Lodging International, with some supporting stories from other sources, mostly football.  Most of the stories are interesting and there are a few nuggets to be gleaned from the book, but if you are looking for a book on Leadership, this would not be a good first (or second or third choice).  However, if you wanted to know more about Marriot, this is your book.  By and large the book, to me, seems more intent on selling the Marriot brand thank anything else.

So, while I don't recommend it as a book on leadership, here are a few quotes which I hope you enjoy:

"Experience has taught me that, far from being irrelevant, solid relationships are the read bedrock of business success." p.4

"...to reinforce a productive relationship, you need to demonstrate fairness and evenhandedness...." p. 5

"There can be no letup in a leader's campaign to instill values in team members." p. 41

"In the final analysis, the praise or blame for an organization's ethics is its leader's responsibility." p. 42

"Everything a leader does, no matter how commonplace, has a symbolic value." p. 50

"When a leaders shows respect for an employee, it's a pretty save bet that the employee will return the gesture a thousandfold.  Effective leaders respect the feelings of the people in their organizations." p. 51

"...employees who feel they are respected can take pride in being a source of help for others." p. 56

"A leader can send no more powerful message than to provide support in a crisis.  It is the ultimate trust builder." p. 91

"Once trust is lost - with a person, a company, or a product - it's almost impossible to restore it." p. 92

"As George Bernard Shaw sardonically observed, 'The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.'" p. 98

"Paying close attention to what the person across the talbe has to say is the essential key to building a solid relationship." p. 99

"Don't let concerns about losing fact keep you from doing what needs to be done." p. 133

Family or Friends

I was listening to a radio show yesterday which asked their listeners to call in and respond to the question: Which is more important in the raising of a child, parenting or their friends?

Of course the correct answer is both, and both are supported by scripture, e.g. "raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. "( Prov. 22:6, paraphrase) and "bad company corrupts good character." (1 Cor. 15:33)

However, I think the importance of parenting vs friends has greater impact at different stages of life. For example when the child is pre-adolescent, the parenting is of primary importance and sets a solid foundation for character development.

When in adolescence (how long does that last?????) good parenting is still important to reinforce values and provide stability, but friends gradually take greater importance.  If the friends are good, then the values from the parenting are reinforced, if not, then they can be undermined.  That is why good parenting also cares about making sure the friends of their children are the right kind of influence by keeping the child around those kind of friends and limiting their exposure to less desirable friends.  This is also why large families often discount the importance of selecting good friends because the larger number of siblings ARE the friends and all have a common value system.

Even with poor parenting, the right kind of friends can have an overall positive impact both for the short-term and long.  Poor parenting joined with bad friends, on the other hand, is pretty much a recipe for a poor outcome, at least in most cases.

As the child grows past adolescence the values from good parenting begin to provide an anchor and eventually fulfill the scripture quoted above.  Depending upon how far the child has drifted from their roots, they may not come all the way back to center unless there is a life changing connection with Christ, for example.

Practice good parenting (which is really good leadership) even to the point of making sure your children are around the right kind of friends.  Do this and you decrease the likelihood they will stray too far from your values.  This is one reason why I can't recommend having your child attend a Christian University highly enough.  Your argument is that it is too expensive?  You don't know what expense is until you are dealing with problems caused by associations that lead your child down a dark path.  Yes, it could happen at a Christian University too, but the odds are far better there than the other options.

You say you want your child to be an influence on others so you keep them around other youths of questionable character.  This is just plain stupid.  At their level of development, the goal is not for them to influence others as much as to minimize negative influences upon their own development and maximize the positive influences.

This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine,
  I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine,
  I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
  I'm gonna let it shine,
  Let it shine
  Let it shine
  Let it shine

Hide it under a bush, Oh NO
  I'm gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bush, Oh NO
  I'm gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bush, Oh NO
  I'm gonna let it shine.
  Let it shine
  Let it shine
  Let it shine

Won't let Satan pfff it out,
  I'm gonna let it shine.
Won't let Satan pfff it out,
  I'm gonna let it shine.
Won't let Satan pfff it out,
  I'm gonna let it shine.
  Let it shine
  Let it shine
  Let it shine

(adapted from original)

There is NO Magic Bullet

I love formulas.  Immediately upon receiving a spreadsheet, I begin to look for patterns and theorize algorithms to explain them.  Mathematics is so clean; one plus one equals two.

Working with people is an entirely different kettle of fish!  While many provide all kinds of psychological explanation for our behavior, the bottom line is that when people are involved there is no way to absolutely guarantee that one plus one equals two, or anything else for that matter.  A friend of mine, a Pastor, often joked with me that the job of Pastor would be a breeze . . . if it wasn't for the people.

When pulling onto the highway, some will graciously allow you room to merge and even blink their lights to let you know it is safe to proceed; others will see your merge as some kind of contest which they must win at all costs, speeding up to make sure you don't get ahead of them.

While boarding an airline some will help their fellow passengers with getting their luggage stored, others will selfishly take more than their allotted space in the storage bins and act as if it their right, even though others won't have space for their luggage.

At the church, some are faithful to serve and tithe, while others make every excuse why they cannot/will not, and complain about everything.

Don't even get me started about those who park illegally in handicapped parking.

Now, while the title of this post is that there is no magic bullet, I want to suggest that when it comes to dealing with people, there is, just not the one we would always like, you know the one where THEY straighten up and fly right!!  The magic bullet is prayer, not even prayer for them, although I'm confident they need it, but for yourself.  Prayer for understanding, compassion, and above all humility.

People are, and will always be, people: unpredictable, gracious, selfish, kind, mean, loving, hurtful.  the question isn't about them, but about YOU.

What you SEE in NOT what you GET.

Years ago I interviewed a young man and was so impressed by his obvious charisma that I hired him, only to discover that his skills and those required by the job didn't match.  Bad hire.  I was paying attention to appearances and hoped that someone so gifted would be able to transfer those skills to the position, in fact he assured me they would.  They did not.

I completely ignored my gut which would have at least slowed the process and allowed me to ask better questions.  This isn't the only time I've made decisions based more on "hope so" and "want it to be so" than on careful consideration.  Most of the time these decisions haven't worked out so well.  My problem is that I tend to be overly optimistic.  Couple that with the natural inclination of people to fool themselves and tell you they can do something they really can't or don't want to do, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Most decisions, at least significant ones, are better with a night's sleep and a willingness to ask precise questions related to the Tasks Which Define Success, not to mention getting the input of a colleague.

"Appearances can be deceiving." "You can't judge a book by its cover."  These sayings exist because they are true.  When it comes to hiring, people deserve to find the right niche where they can be happy and where they can bring to bear their unique gifts and skills to add meaning and be relevant.