More from 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

As I mentioned in my previous post, Chapman and White identify five different "languages" or methods for expressing appreciation with variations within each language.  For instance if an individual's primary language of appreciation is gifts, not just any gift will suffice - it needs to be tailored to what the individual values, which requires some thought.

This is one of the main take-aways from this book - appreciation even in the preferred "language" of the recipient must be genuine.  If you are only looking for a quick fix on employee discontent without being willing to truly engage in genuinely caring behavior, it will backfire and cause more harm than good.  This applies across the board.  Genuine appreciation cannot be faked and requires from supervisors and co-workers respect and shared experiences and goals.

Another of the take-aways is that we will usually have a "blind spot" in the area of our lowest language of appreciation.  The blind spot occurs because that language doesn't communicate to me, and by extrapolation, I can't begin to understand how it could communicate to another.  In other words, it lies outside of my frame of emotional frame of reference.   Although I might understand it intellectually, I will also tend to rationalize that they just don't understand how much better my primary language is.  The author's state: "Here is a fact that can save you a lot of time and emotional energy, if you are willing to accept it: a person's lowest language of appreciation really is not important to them."  If that is the language of verbal praise, then you can genuinely compliment them all day long in public and private and they will still feel unappreciated!  This can be a shocking revelation but if you reflect on your own life you can see how some expressions of appreciation don't mean as much to you as they seem to mean to others.

As I mentioned, there is a survey code provided with the book and it identifies your primary language and your lowest language of appreciation.  I've been thinking about how to apply this information in a work setting.  Have each of my direct reports take the survey?  Hold a workshop on the languages of appreciation?  If what Chapman and White say is true: "Research indicates that communicating appreciation to employees decreases the chances of their leaving, increases customer satisfaction, and sometimes improves productivity."  then I need to put more thought and effort into this, particularly if I want to avoid/reduce employee turnover and create a culture within the workplace which truly expresses the appreciation I feel, but often neglect to communicate (or communicate in the wrong language).

5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace - review

The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People by Gary Chapman and Paul White.  

I've been a fan of Chapman's 5 Love Languages and often thought about how those principles translated into the workplace.  This book answers that question and provides an excellent insight into the hows and whys of expressing appreciation to those with whom we work.

The authors set the stage with something we each know on a deeply personal level: "...each of us wants to know that what we are doing matters.  Without a sense of being valued by supervisors and colleagues, workers start to feel like a machine or a commodity.  If no one notices a person's commitment to doing the job well, that person's motivation tends to wane over time."  I know this is personally true for me.  While there are a lot of different ways to express appreciation as a supervisor or a colleague, Chapman and White suggest that each of us has a preference for how we would prefer to receive that expression of appreciation; in effect a "language" which would truly communicate appreciation.  They identify five different "languages" of appreciation, each with different dialects, to follow the analogy, which make the communication even more meaningful.

For some, an emphasis on appreciation seems too soft and fuzzy to be given serious consideration by a business, particularly one focused on the bottom line.  This would be a mistake.  According to the authors, "Gallup reports that almost 70 percent of people in the United States say they receive no praise or recognition in the workplace."  Add that to the statistic that "...88 percent of employees state they leave (quit) for reasons other than money.  In fact, the reasons most often cited by departing employees were more psychological in nature - including not feeling trusted or valued."   The result is a huge part of corporate culture which deals constantly with staff turn-over, with the expenses of hiring and training, along with low productivity.  The cost of these factors, taken for granted by most companies, can be debilitating and increases the driven nature of corporate executives who feel they have even less time for the soft and fuzzy.

How wrong they are.  I encourage you to get the book and learn about the different languages.  Included in the book is a survey code which identifies your own language(s).  Let's begin to create the type of workplaces we would love to work at and where others can thrive.

"You are always being interviewed"

I'm facilitating a leadership development program for work.  We have 16 of the brightest developing leaders in the company that are part of the group.  This week we have been on a tour of four of our campuses.

We started with a workshop on conflict which was led by Dr. Darby.   She did an excellent job of helping the participants become aware of the various ways we handle conflict and some options for being more effective in handling conflict in the future.

Following that was a tour of four campus sites along with interviews with the campus Directors at each of the sites.  This has proven to be an insightful experience for most of the participants as they were able to see various "foot-prints" of the physical locations as well as interact with leaders from different backgrounds and with different leadership styles.  The candid conversations and open questions and answers provided an awareness of the role of the campus director which, I think, will be helpful for these new leaders as they evaluate their own career tracks.  Two themes continued to surface in these interviews:  Campus Directors have to keep a sharp focus on their budget and on staffing.  "Hiring right" is far preferable to filling an empty position as quickly as possible just to have the position filled.

Mr. Mottl, System Vice President for Enrollment Management, presented the "7 Habits of the Highly Effective Director of Admissions" and gave his perspective on the key habits DOAs must have to be effective in their role.  This also was helpful to this group where most of the group do not come from admissions.

Finally Mr. March and Ms. Meyers, Regional Vice Presidents for two different regions shared insights in response to questions from the LDP group.  This allowed the participants to see from the role of the RVP how their career path might look and important considerations for them as they contemplate the future.  One quote sticks out in my mind:  "You are always being interviewed."  The quote came from a story shared by Mr. March in which he was transitioned to a new position that he had not officially interviewed for and when he asked about that, was told he had been interviewed in every contact he had had with the leader who promoted him across their acquaintance.

I believe this is more true than we might imagine.  We are ALWAYS being interviewed and it is ridiculous to assume that our conduct or comments from the past will somehow be disassociated from our current application for a position, based on a current interview.  Who we are and what we are (and have been) follow us around, and this is especially true in an age of social media.  So, keep in mind you are ALWAYS being interviewed and conduct yourself in a way which will lead to the future to which you aspire, not to mention make you proud to be who you are.

10 Virtues of Outstanding Leaders - Link

"Leadership and character are inseparable. In the Ten Virtues of Outstanding Leaders, philosophers Al Gini and Ronald Green, ask what is good leadership? They insist "that ethics, character, and virtue are essential to real leadership" and anything else is misleadership. "

This is an excellent summary of a book which address the ethical and character foundations of leadership. Read the full article here:

http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadingblog/2013/06/the_ten_virtues_of_outstanding.html

Blindsided

As you likely know, the amigdyla in our brains, which controls the fight or flight response, is more likely to take control when we are blind-sided, and that is most often where we have problems.  When blindsided, i.e. personally attacked verbally without warning, I have had to learn a couple of things which have been important for me in NOT reacting immediately with one of those two responses (fight or flight).  Here is what I have learned - keep in mind I AM STILL LEARNING AND MAKE MISTAKES:

1.  My immediate response is to be defensive and construct a rebuttal even as the challenge is coming in . . . so I try to focus completely on listening skills.

2.  And this is really at the same time, I take some deep breaths, this does two things, it oxygenates my system which helps my brain to function better, and it slows down my initial response.  If I can delay the amigdyal from taking over I have a chance to use my brain.

3.  I ask questions BEFORE any type of response to make sure that I completely understand.  This also does two things, it helps me understand AND it helps the challenger to see I am listening and want to truly understand.

4.  I try to convince myself that the challenge, no matter how personal it seems, really has to do with an issue and is not about me as a person.  This can be hard to do.

5.  Finally I take ownership where applicable and focus on the issue for resolution.

Of course all this happens in my ideal world.