Blindsided

As you likely know, the amigdyla in our brains, which controls the fight or flight response, is more likely to take control when we are blind-sided, and that is most often where we have problems.  When blindsided, i.e. personally attacked verbally without warning, I have had to learn a couple of things which have been important for me in NOT reacting immediately with one of those two responses (fight or flight).  Here is what I have learned - keep in mind I AM STILL LEARNING AND MAKE MISTAKES:

1.  My immediate response is to be defensive and construct a rebuttal even as the challenge is coming in . . . so I try to focus completely on listening skills.

2.  And this is really at the same time, I take some deep breaths, this does two things, it oxygenates my system which helps my brain to function better, and it slows down my initial response.  If I can delay the amigdyal from taking over I have a chance to use my brain.

3.  I ask questions BEFORE any type of response to make sure that I completely understand.  This also does two things, it helps me understand AND it helps the challenger to see I am listening and want to truly understand.

4.  I try to convince myself that the challenge, no matter how personal it seems, really has to do with an issue and is not about me as a person.  This can be hard to do.

5.  Finally I take ownership where applicable and focus on the issue for resolution.

Of course all this happens in my ideal world.