Family or Friends

I was listening to a radio show yesterday which asked their listeners to call in and respond to the question: Which is more important in the raising of a child, parenting or their friends?

Of course the correct answer is both, and both are supported by scripture, e.g. "raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. "( Prov. 22:6, paraphrase) and "bad company corrupts good character." (1 Cor. 15:33)

However, I think the importance of parenting vs friends has greater impact at different stages of life. For example when the child is pre-adolescent, the parenting is of primary importance and sets a solid foundation for character development.

When in adolescence (how long does that last?????) good parenting is still important to reinforce values and provide stability, but friends gradually take greater importance.  If the friends are good, then the values from the parenting are reinforced, if not, then they can be undermined.  That is why good parenting also cares about making sure the friends of their children are the right kind of influence by keeping the child around those kind of friends and limiting their exposure to less desirable friends.  This is also why large families often discount the importance of selecting good friends because the larger number of siblings ARE the friends and all have a common value system.

Even with poor parenting, the right kind of friends can have an overall positive impact both for the short-term and long.  Poor parenting joined with bad friends, on the other hand, is pretty much a recipe for a poor outcome, at least in most cases.

As the child grows past adolescence the values from good parenting begin to provide an anchor and eventually fulfill the scripture quoted above.  Depending upon how far the child has drifted from their roots, they may not come all the way back to center unless there is a life changing connection with Christ, for example.

Practice good parenting (which is really good leadership) even to the point of making sure your children are around the right kind of friends.  Do this and you decrease the likelihood they will stray too far from your values.  This is one reason why I can't recommend having your child attend a Christian University highly enough.  Your argument is that it is too expensive?  You don't know what expense is until you are dealing with problems caused by associations that lead your child down a dark path.  Yes, it could happen at a Christian University too, but the odds are far better there than the other options.

You say you want your child to be an influence on others so you keep them around other youths of questionable character.  This is just plain stupid.  At their level of development, the goal is not for them to influence others as much as to minimize negative influences upon their own development and maximize the positive influences.