One of the big mistakes I see new, and unfortunately some older, leaders fall into is in making an issue out of everything. I think this is affected by one's personality to some degree, and I'm pretty sure perfectionists struggle with this more than most. I also think an awareness of the politics surrounding the situation, as well as the ethical and moral factors are also significant. For instance if an issue is violating ethical or moral standards, then to not pick that fight would be wrong. On the other hand, if there is no ethical or moral component to the issue, then the choice whether or not to press the issue, i.e. fight, must be weighed by other factors.
Some will choose to make the issue because of pride, e.g. it was their idea and they will fight for it to the death, even if wrong. Some will chose to press the issue because they feel it will position them for favor or advancement, or they will chose NOT to fight for the same reasons. I mentioned politics earlier and by that I mean the relationship between individuals which enhances or reduces the ability to collaborate AND the other connections which bring value to the individual which may be impacted, positively or negatively, by that relationship and/or collaboration. It goes back to some of my earlier posts about the Greatest Management Principle: If there is intrinsic or extrinsic value for the other person, or someone they care about, then they will be inclined to collaborate, The opposite is also true, no value: no collaboration, or at least a reduced likelihood of collaboration.
Now, here is the thing, not everything is worth a fight, and more often than not, even those things perceived to be ethical or moral issues are personal opinion with no real ethical or moral value. So here are some steps to take when faced with the decision whether or not to make an issue out of something with your coworker, boss, spouse or friend:.
1. Clearly define exactly what you perceive to be the problem.
2. Clearly identify exactly what you would wish the outcome to be and why you feel it should be addressed (here is where the ethical/moral factors would be considered, along with how, and if, it has a personal benefit which may be clouding your judgment).
3. Will the change make any real difference? In what way?
4. How will it affect your working/living relationship with the other individual(s)
5. Weigh the proposed change against question 3 and 4 above and consider whether it is worth the fight.
If you have come to the conclusion it is not worth the fight, then accept the reality and move on. If you are still convinced the issue has to be addressed, now comes the importance of EQ. Knowing how to bring the issue to a head in such a way that all those involved feel heard and respected is far preferable to the "bull in the china shop" method. The individual who refuses to take the time to consider the impact of their choice of words and their effect upon others will quickly alienate the very ones they need to persuade, making for embittered relationships and possible job change or divorce.
The one thing that is NOT acceptable is to just conclude you can't win the fight and grumble and complain. No one wants to be around a grumbler, and honestly grumblers and complainers are like the proverbial bad apple which needs to be ejected from the barrel.
You don't always need to fight (not everything is worth what it might cost in relationships, etc.) and even if you do fight you will not always win. Here again, you will have to choose to accept the reality or if that is not possible, chose to go a different direction, but don't become bitter or wallow in self-pity, grumbling about your situation.
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