Watch the Eyes.
When in meetings or even just chatting with an informal group, watch the eyes of those in the group. What you are looking for is to determine which individual gets the most "eye" time. We humans have a tendency to constantly check with our eyes the body language and attitude of the individual we feel is most significant in any gathering, official or unofficial, i.e. the leader. This might be through furtive glances or direct focus. I've actually seen people answer a question that person A asked while looking at person B the whole time to get their feedback.
Whoever gets the most "eye" time is the leader, regardless of the flowchart. You may agree or disagree, you may like it or not: it doesn't change the reality. Perception IS reality, and if those in the group are constantly looking at one person for approval, even if that is not the appointed leader, then that person IS the real leader.
This can benefit you in two ways. First, knowing who the real leader is allows you to figure out who you need to influence. Second, if you are supposed to be the leader, but it obvious that someone else is the real leader, you will know you need to do a better job building relationships and credibility. I highly suggest the book: Credibility, by Kouzes and Posner. You can't demand leadership, it has to be earned. This is one way you can do a quick read to determine who those in a group consider to be the leader.
It's not rocket science.
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