7 Habits - Session 4 - Guest post by Nicole M. Wilson

Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then be Understood

As I looked through the book chapters, one chapter in particular stood out – Empathic Communication.  I’ve always thought of myself as an effective communicator, but this chapter challenged me to change my perspective regarding communication.  Generally speaking, people listen with the intent to reply; in doing so, we often “misdiagnosis” the real problem.  Covey suggests that to improve our effectiveness as leaders, we must listen with the intent to understand.  Don’t just understand the words, understand the true emotion behind the words.  Communication is 60% non-verbal, 30% tone of voice and 10% words.   

Empathic communication recognizes that, to get the full picture, you need to listen to what isn’t being said. Listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart.   Covey goes on to suggest that once we truly understand the other person (where they’re coming from and why), we have built a foundation of trust and established our credibility.  It goes back to the old saying “Nobody cares what you know until they know how much you care”.  Once understanding is established, people are more responsive to our need to be understood.  When we really, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead, they become the stepping stones to synergy (pp. 259).

Habit 6 – Synergize

Synergy is everywhere. It can be positive synergy or negative synergy.  In habit 6, Covey defines synergy as “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”.  Anyone who has been a part of a championship team, or a successful project implementation can relate to the power of synergy.  It seems when a team is on a roll – they’re unstoppable, but when they’re having a losing streak, they can’t seem to break it.  Things continue in the direction that synergy pushes them. Covey notes that once people have experienced true synergy, they are never quite the same again. 

As we discussed the concept of synergy during the book study, we shared our personal experiences.  It isn’t surprising that all of our experiences had a common factor – trust.  Trust is the foundation of a relationship and is a necessary foothold if we are going to be effective leaders.  When trust is established, people feel safe to share new ideas or concepts and brainstorming is maximized.  High levels of trust combined with high levels of cooperation allow for win/win situations to be created.