So, I'm talking with a friend today who was basically lied to by his boss about why a certain component of his salary package could not be offered, only to find out it had been offered to the previous person to hold the same position. He was understandably upset and thwarted in his desire to confront the "boss" because the boss was out of town for a couple of days.

I asked him what he wanted as a result of the confrontation. He said that he wanted the boss to promise to be truthful in the future. I shared with him the story of the scorpion and the frog and suggested that a promise from a scorpion is worth exactly nothing if it runs contrary to the nature of the scorpion. So, now what do you want from the confrontation; an apology? an increase in your salary package? what.

The bottom line is that confrontation without a clear purpose is usually a matter of salving the ego as much as it is about justice. And if it is about ego, then one has to examine one's motive for the work. If your motive is because this is your calling - then confrontation only has value as it secures justice, not just to make you feel like you stood up for yourself. This is not a philosophy for the individual with insecurity issues. Can you rise above your own ego to pursue the best path for the organization? Yet, even in calling there is a line where one cannot turn away from situations which require a stand to be made. How one makes that stand, however, IS within your power and many do not take into account the power of their words, nor the long term effect of a hastily spoken word. Judgement as to another's motives is always risky at best and often puts you in the position of the pot calling the kettle black. Thank you very much Mr. Pot. You are welcome, Mr. Kettle.

However, if your motive for being at the organization is NOT a calling but merely a step toward a personal goal, confrontation may be of greater necessity, yet again, the choice of the wording is crucial to a satisfactory resolution. It seems that some people have an uncanny knack of selecting words which cause others to respond with anger and a desire to hurt back.

Coming back to the issue cited at the beginning of this post. Integrity in leadership cannot be overstated. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and let what you say be the truth.