7 Habits, session 2

7 Habits - Book Study Session 2

On October 19 we had the second session of the study for The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey.  I this session we discussed Habits 1 and 2.

Thanks to Gordon Brooks for his technical assistance and to Chris Nelson for leading the discussion on Habit 2

Habit 1 – Be Proactive

This is the first of 3 habits which are focused on achieving Private Victory.  The premise is that before one can move forward in becoming effective in a larger arena, there has to be victory in the private or personal arena.  This habit is one of the most powerful because it addresses the basic nature which we all deal with:  “Its all about me.”  Even when we say it’s NOT all about US, most of the time we act as if it really IS all about US/ME.  Covey does a good job in explaining the difference between two models of social interaction:  Proactive vs Reactive.  In the proactive model, the individual accepts responsibility for their own life and that their behavior is a function of their decisions, not the conditions/circumstances of their life.  The reactive model, which unfortunately most people start from and never escape, says that our circumstances, our background, and DNA control our lives, thus they are NOT responsible for their life or behavior.

He uses the story of Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi death camps and his discovery of the ability in spite of the circumstances to be proactive in relationship to his attitude and responses to what was happening to him.  Regarding Frankl, Covey writes,

“They could control his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body, but Viktor Frankl himself was a self-aware being who could look as an observer at his very involvement.  His basic identity was intact.  He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him.  Between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.” P. 69

On the other hand, reactive people “build their emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weakness of other people to control them.” P. 72.  This is most often seen in the language an individual uses.  Proactive language says “I can” “I choose” “I prefer” while reactive language concedes all power to the circumstance or others, saying “I can’t” “I must” “They won’t allow that” etc.  The power of language both to reveal our operating model AND to influence a new operating model, I think, is powerful.    

Also part of this habit is the recognition of the circle of concern, which is basically everything with which we are concerned, and the sub-set of the circle of influence.  According to Covey the circle of influence references those parts of the circle of concern which we can impact through a choice or an action.  To go back to Viktor Frankl’s story.  He could not influence the fact that he was in a Nazi death camp, but he could influence how he responded.  An illustration from the conversation in the group cited being caught by a train while running late for work.  We can’t influence the train or being caught (at that moment in time) but we can influence how we respond.  Which is not to say we couldn’t assume an even more proactive stance and make sure we arranged our schedule as much as it is in our power to do so to not be late.

Habit 2 – Begin with the end in mind

Once we’ve begun to accept the proactive model Covey moves to the second of the Personal victories: setting the values which are more enduring, and then living in such a way as to achieve those values.  The initial illustration is to imagine you are attending your own funeral and listening to what is being said about you and imagining what you would like to have said and from that begin to construct the type of values and goals which would lead to that end.  Covey writes:

“How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and, keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.  If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.” P.98

 He also uses a great illustration about moving through a jungle at great expense of effort only to discover that it is the wrong jungle.  This metaphor connects us to the possibility that while we might be making progress in our life, it quite likely is not toward the goal we would desire if we took the time to examine our life.  Covey encourages us to construct a personal mission statement which defines the basic values and goals of our life and then to use that document to construct similar statements for our family and work life.  By creating this statement we will have to stop the busy movement through what is potentially the wrong “jungle” and begin to identify what is really most important for us and the heritage which we hope to leave behind.

Covey spends some time in this chapter discussing the various centers which people allow to control their life and their destiny, especially in reactive mode, including:  spouse centeredness, family centeredness, money centeredness, work centeredness, possession centeredness, pleasure centeredness, friend/enemy centeredness, church centeredness, and self-centeredness.  Identifying your center, within a proactive model, allows the opportunity to consider how to effectively bring balance to all the aspects of life based on values.  Covey calls this “principle” centered.  He writes.

“But there are several important differences when you are coming from a principle-centered paradigm.  First, you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances.  You are proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative.  You make your decision consciously and knowledgeably.  Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results.  Third, what you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life.” P. 127

The last thing I will reference in this blog post regarding Habit 2 is Covey’s comments on visualization.  I’m a big personal believer in the power of visualizations.  The practice of visualizing our responses and achievements can have a powerful impact on their becoming reality.  Definitely worth considering

Conclusion

So, now it is your turn to share: 

• describe a time when you were proactive or reactive and the effect it had on you and/or those who were involved. 
• Have you written a personal mission statement?  What should be some of the key components of such a statement?  When you “begin with the end in mind,” what immediately comes to your mind and why?
• Any other comment related to the content of these two habits you would like to share?

The next session will be November 9.  The discussion for Habit 3 will be led by Dan Irvin and for Gordon Brooks will lead the discussion for Habit 4.